Champions of Life
Those with money? Status? Social connections? You honestly think you’ll be in the same status/income bracket/social circle forever? So is it just fate, that some people win in the lottery of life and come out as the champion? I’m at my wits end, trying to please all those around me, and for what? All this time and effort spent and wasted, and still I don’t know, why I try.
Maybe I’m not treated as a friend outside my home country, but at least I’m treated as a human.
Hopelessness? I feel that everyday, every minute.
Suicidal ideation? Wish I can be run down by a car before every shift.
Does any one care? All these seminars for caregivers to detect suicidal patients, has any care been given to caregivers for the same? I’m tired, I’m dying on the inside, I’m praying pleading hoping someone will listen and understand, but they all hate me. And I see the displeasure in their eyes. And I wanna say fuck you I don’t give a damn, but I do care, I still want to try, but like a bush of thorns the more I struggle the more tangled I get. I’m on an emotional roller coaster, one smile can make my day and then throw me off a cliff. I’m hanging on by threads, and they are so determined, to chip away at it one by one, again and again. Can you at least make the fall quick? Kill me in one shot? Make a clean murder? Let me die in peace? I thought a break can help relieve the stress, but it took less than two shifts and back on the verge of self destruction, or at least a goodbye to my worthless existence. You are not my family nor my life, neither a friend or a home away from home. I can’t imagine I belong here, and yet I still come in everyday, hoping miraculously today will be better, that the sun will shine on my favour, that the world is not yet overrun by tyrants. And every day I am disappointed all over again.